The Steaming Pile That Is Nine

    I have not seen every Daniel day-Lewis movie; not by a long shot. Every DDL movie I have seen though, I have loved. He can play any character. He can carry an entire movie on his shoulders. He can do no wro - wait... That's a lie. That is a lie because I just sat through the movie Nine. One hundred and eighteen. That is how many minutes Rob Marshall owes me. No, that's a lie too. I'll only hold him to 113 minutes. Marion Cotillard has a five minute piece that is just beautiful. She's virtually always stunning, and the five-ish minutes I watched her were five-ish amazing minutes that nearly brought me to tears.

    I watched this movie because Nine was a great book/broadway musical based on Federico Fellini's film 8 1/2 which was "semi" autobiographical. It's actually quite a story and had the potential to be a great thing. I'm very surprised because Rob Marshall did extraordinary work with Memoirs of a Geisha and Chicago. He just really missed the mark with this one. What surprises me even more is, like I said, it had the potential to be GREAT. You have Daniel Day-Lewis, Marion Cotillard, Sophie Loren, Nicole Kidman and Judi Dench! Where did this film go wrong? I can't figure it out completely. It was dry, slow, the choreography was weak, Kate Hudson and Fergie were involved... Plegh!

    I digress. In my honest honest honest opinion, this movie is shit. I can't even begin to dream up reasons it was nominated for four Academy Awards... But then, Robert Downey Jr. was nominated for Best Supporting Actor for his role in Tropic Thunder, 2009. Really? Okay.

    Watch five-ish minutes of Nine for Marion Cotillard and you'll be set. Otherwise, don't waste your money, time, hard drive space, any of it!

She is beautiful, isn't she.